"Smooth Talker" - Why, How, and When to Be One
HOW TO BE A “SMOOTH TALKER”
1- Focus on a person’s good qualities and build on those. If they have a great smile, mention it, and then expound on it. Not to the point of embarrassing them, but enough that they know you are being genuine. I have a friend who call it “re-enforcement” because you are re-enforcing the qualities in themselves that they already know they have. And if they didn’t know it, you have helped them realize something new and wonderful about themselves!
What if the person doesn’t have good qualities? There are times when I meet someone who, it seems like, hasn’t showered in weeks, or never brushes their teeth, and it is difficult to be around them at all. There are still things that you can focus on that are good. Example? Their shoes, their intellect, their taste in clothes, their handshake, etc. It is imperative that you are honest! Don’t make stuff up!
2- This part is going to sound like the opposite of what I just said, but if it seems the person you are meeting or talking to is open to being playful, then you can say something that is flattering, even if you both know it is not true.
Sometimes I will meet a couple and I will say to the husband, “It is really nice that you brought your daughter to this function.”
The wife will giggle with delight, and the husband, believe it or not, will be pleased that you acknowledged that he has a young-looking wife...which actually feeds into the male ego. Men like to show off their significant others. So even though I just said something that, on the surface, would seem mean and offensive, it actually made them BOTH feel great!
One time a husband said, “How dare you, sir!! This is my GRAND-daughter!” His wife giggled even more and we all had a wonderful laugh together!
3- Earlier, under the “Why” category, I mentioned that you are helping yourself to improve your vocabulary and your creativity. Learn to be quick-witted. Look to others who have gone before you. Increase your vocabulary.
Be original, too. If you don’t think you can be original, then find someone else’s words, but change them up a bit to match your personality! This exercise will help you to become more and more original!
WHEN TO BE A “SMOOTH TALKER”
It might be easier to tell you when NOT to be a “Smooth Talker,” ‘cause, in most cases, you can be.
When NOT to be a “Smooth Talker”
1- When the person does not believe that you are sincere in your compliments or they don’t know that you are the kind of person who wants to make people feel better. These people just get mad at you if you keep it up. Let them get to know you first. THEN, when they are ready, you can compliment them.
2- Sorrowful occasions. If someone is in the depths of depression because of the loss of a loved one, or a traumatic event has happened in their life; those would not be a good times to “Smooth Talk.”
It DOESN’T mean that you can’t try to make them feel better. It’s just not a time to do the “clever dialogue” thing.
At a funeral, I will tell the person that I am sorry for their loss, and that I know that the deceased person is in a happier place now, and that they (the person I am talking to) will get to see their loved one again.
Unless I am REALLY close to the person, I keep my conversation to about that.
3- Someone higher in status. It’s kind of a terrible thing to have to hold back on your compliments when you are talking to your boss, but it will mostly be construed as “brown-nosing,” “kissing up to the boss,” or “trying to make up for a mistake that you may have made.” Wait until the boss and you are friends (can that really happen?) before trying to “Smooth Talk” them.
So now you know that it can be a good thing to be a “Smooth Talker.”
Go and use your “Smooth Talking” powers for GOOD!!
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