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The L4 Factor, Issue #006 -- Renewed Happiness
February 14, 2014
Love, Life, Light, and Laughter = 100% Happiness
Welcome to "The L4 Factor"...the e-Zine that let's you know what you are doing right as you head towards full time happiness, and how to make it even righter!!
Love to Be Happy…Be Happy to Be Loved!Happiness covers four areas, Love, Life, Light, and Laughter!
Because this is February, guess what our focus is going to be on.
That's right, LOVE!!
But it is NOT about how much YOU love somebody. It IS important to have somebody that you can love, that you can fawn on, that you can have cry on your shoulder…but it is also very important that they love you back!
I have often seen the scenario where two people are together, but only one of them is in love…and the other person is in it because they are comfortable, or feeling secure financially, or they don't want to go live with their parents, etc. Whatever the reason, they are NOT in it for the love…and you can tell when someone doesn't love you.
That can hurt your happiness quotient!
If you are the person who is in love, but the love is not returned, there is no way you can be 100% happy!
We need to be/feel loved in our lives.
There was a study where two babies were raised in identical environments, having all the amenities in life that they needed…but one of the babies was held and played with and loved everyday, and the other baby did not have any personal contact or dialogue with another human being.
The results shouldn't astound you too much…in the end the baby with all the attention and love was healthy, secure, and happy wherein the baby without any contact was withdrawn, suspicious, and NOT happy!
So What Should You Do if You Aren't Loved?
You have a few options:
1- Settle - Get comfortable and know that it won't change…believe me, I know. I have tried to save relationships that were on the rocks (I'm talking about my own relationships), but the person either did not love me, or they projected a persona on me that was not me - and THAT'S who they were in love with (which truly feels like they are in love with someone else), or maybe I wasn't really in love with them! Whatever the reason, there were times that I tried to save the relationship by settling for something less than what I wanted…not someONE less…but someTHING less. This will not feed your happiness and you won't feel the total satisfaction that comes with being loved by the person who you are in love with!
2- Get Out - This is, eventually, what I did in the non-fulfilling relationships. It is NOT easy…especially because you get used to the routine. I was in a relationship where I was constantly battered emotionally and verbally…it tore/wore me down and it was very difficult to get away from the abuse. But even then, there was a point, after a few days, that I thought that I should go back to try to make the relationship work…luckily, I did not succumb!
The same thing happened to a friend of mine…she was being controlled by her husband, and I was part of an elaborate plan for her to leave him while I took him out to lunch. I kept him as long as I could, and when we got back to their place, I saw her car turning the corner down the street (she had just barely made it). I told her NOT to talk to him on the phone, but eventually she did and as a result, she DID succumb and went back to him. It took her a couple of more tries, but she is now single and HAPPIER than she was!!!
Which brings us to the next option:
Single people make the bachelor/bachelorette life look amazing, but I know very few of them that are truly happy!
When I did stand-up comedy, I would ask who in the audience was single (large applause, bit whoops and hollers), and then I would ask who was married (very little applause, not as fearsome as the single people).
I figured out through my travels that the single people "doth protest too much," meaning that, for the most part, they were trying to convince THEMSELVES that they were excited to be single…and they might have been, if they had just gotten out of a bad relationship, but mostly they were lonely!
I also figured
out that the married people weren't noisy, NOT because the weren't happy, but because they didn't NEED to be noisy!! A lot of them were in healthy and happy marriages!!
I know of a couple whose interests came from their love of drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Eventually, the husband wanted out of the lifestyle, but the wife did not…well, she did, but she did not want to make the changes necessary to reshape their relationship. She WAS in love with him, but she wasn't ready to WORK at it! He left her and eventually got remarried. The sad thing is, by and by the first wife DID change so that she could win him back…but she was too late! Note: He was also in love with her, but he couldn't handle the lifestyle anymore, so it was heart-breaking for both of them. He IS happily married now, though!
You CAN work at it, and it will work for you, but do it in the time that you are allotted!
Be in Love today!…and if you aren't in love, go FALL in love!!
It's risky, but it's worth it if you find the right person!!
I Love You!!
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